Number Two Son is very bad at Full Moon Parties. Last year his ‘drink was spiked’ and he fell asleep at midnight, waking when all the festivities were over. This year he made it to just after midnight, before some ruffian rugby-tackled him, he fell off a twenty foot platform and landed on a sharp light fitting.
‘I’ve just had twenty stitches in my leg. It just missed my femoral artery’ he said triumphantly down the phone to me, from a hospital in Koh Samui, where he had been speed-boated back along with a girl who had broken her arm. I was very grateful that he had not injured himself more seriously, but was cross with him for getting into a scrape.
When boys are eighteen – they think they are invincible and they are quite hard to discipline and manipulate into doing what a mother wants. I have two large sons, two brothers and lots of male friends and think I am quite adept at ‘influencing’ men. I have found with younger ones, only two things work – two threats that will get them off their argumentative backsides and doing whatever it is that you want. These two things? Dancing and ‘talking street’.
I am very fond of Koh Samui, so I decided to take action. The only way to stop Number Two Son maiming himself again, would be to embarrass the life out of him. So I hopped on a plane and appeared at his guest house, where I found him, still covered in body paint and blood from the night before, seething and furious. ‘Why are you here’ he growled. ‘Why didn’t you just get me a plane ticket and bring me home. It’s so embarrassing having you here. I won’t be seen in public with you. You have just come here, but we aren’t together. I’m not going out in public with you’.
‘I was worried, darling’ I said. ‘You have hurt yourself and I wanted to see for myself what was going on’. His leg was completely hideous – a semicircle of stitches that looked like the doctor had been nipping at the morphine, and a large lip of flesh standing proud of the wound. Number Two Son graciously invited me to accompany him to the hospital to pay (so he could retrieve his passport), which we did, dodging the many cats that wove in between patients legs in the waiting room. We then went for dinner, where he ate like a wild man and expounded on how embarrassing it was having me there. ‘Look – people are staring’ he grumbled ‘They think you are my cougar’. ‘That’s the very reason I became a teenage mother’ I answered ‘So I could win glamorous granny competitions – you know that. It was never about children – I don’t really like children that much’.
The woman behind the reception desk gave me a wink as I checked in. She clearly thought I was doing awfully well with such a tall, handsome toyboy. I did nothing to disabuse her of the idea. She can’t have thought I was that lucky, as he had a face on him that was more ‘curdle milk’ than ‘adoring’ but then some people’s faces are like that all the time – think of Kanye West.
My finest hour came on the Saturday night, when after taking myself off to a beachside party, I bumped into my son and his friends in the Green Mango. His friends were delighted, as I plied them with drinks and gave them my views on Daft Punk. ‘You are not to dance’ said Number Two Son. ‘I will leave. You must go home and not dance’. His friends didn’t agree and within a small amount of time I was on a stage with nine teenage boys throwing my finest shapes. Number Two Son dragged me off the stage and my work was done.
In between embarrassing my child, I bought some very ‘Mutton’ clothes, spent time on the beautiful beach and stuffed myself with the most delicious Thai food. I honestly did not want to come home – I could live there forever. In honour of my beloved Koh Samui, here is a recipe for a delicious soup. It’s not the really famous one with shrimp –Tom Yum Goong – incidentally I think river shrimp are better than sea shrimp in that recipe, as their brains disperse so beautifully into the broth, leaving tiny creamy dots on the surface. This is a chicken soup. For veggies – use the firmest tofu you can find, cut into strips.
Tom Kaa Gai
Galangal and Kaffir lime leaves give this light, fresh soup a delicious fragrance. For a real flash-harry touch, add a couple of kaffir lime leaves just before you serve – so the scent as you put the soup in front of your guests is truly intense. It’s very easy too.
3 cups coconut milk
4 stalks lemongrass, bruised (as in wallop them with a rolling pin) and chopped
5-6 thin slices of galangal (it looks a bit like ginger. If you can’t find it – but here it comes in those ‘thai herb packs’ all the supermarkets carry, ginger will do at a pinch)
10 kaffir lime leaves torn in half
300g boneless chicken cut into strips OR firm tofu cut into strips
115g rice straw mushrooms (they are fleshy and a bit like little pudgy things. Any mushrooms will do if you can’t find these)
4 tablespoons lime juice
3 tablespoons (less if it’s not your thing so much) fish sauce
10 chopped hot chillies (again, if you are a baby about spice – don’t use as many – but this soup really is meant to be hot)
chopped spring onion and coriander leaves to garnish.
Heat the coconut milk in a saucepan until it comes to the boil. Add the lemongrass, galangal and half of the kaffir lime leaves. Reduce the heat and simmer gently for about ten minutes. Strain it and return the stock to the pan. Return to the heat, add the mushrooms and chicken or tofu. Cook for a further 5 -7 minutes until the chicken is nicely poached.
Stir in the lime juice, fish sauce and the rest of the kaffir lime leaves. season. Ganish with chillies, spring onions and coriander leaves.
hongkonggourmet 